Vibes of Vadhu Parikshe

Background : 

I have three sisters. When my elder sister got married I was in class 8th. I do remember one or two 'Vadhu Pariksha ' events of my elder sister. I come from a lower-middle-class family. We were living in a small house, we had hardly  5 chairs at home, I am talking about days in 1999-2000.
 Next to my house, there was a small office. Whenever a groom's family visits us to see my sister, we used to borrow chairs from that office. We used to borrow the same-looking Teacups, plates, spoons etc. 
I still remember I was the one standing outside the house and taking quick instructions from the kitchen and rushing on the mission on my imaginary bike, used to run making bike-like sounds and posing my hands as if holding the bike handle, that bike was much much better than the bike  I ride now. 

The mission was to go and get milk, curd, and lemons! basically whatever is missed in the kitchen. I was supposed to execute my tasks secretly, which means, I should hide the things I bring. The guest should not know the scenes behind it. The whole family was on the mission of making the guy and his family happy. Every one of us contributed to making the event successful. The only goal was to treat the guest with respect and care while they were being hosted.

We used to plan this as a big event like a festival, our preparations start from the week, prepare sweets, buy some stuff, prepare groceries item list ( no storeroom concept), absolutely everything has to be bought. My sister used to prepare herself, and start applying makeup, like Multani Matti, turmeric, lemon etc. Rehearsal of wearing sarees, getting matching bangles(Sometimes borrow from her friends), earrings ( gold plated but guaranteed). Meanwhile, ask some people from our community to join us on the day. Back were the days, when the girl had no option of rejecting a guy, that too if she belongs to a middle-class family. We always did well and awaited the response from the guy's family. 

My sister used to tell us to see the guy properly and update her later, as she can't see properly or could not dare enough to see the guy.  Most of the time we prepared POHA and TEA, and the kitchen used to be packed with many ladies. There were no phones back then, and I was sent out to see if any car/vehicle comes near my house, I always wanted to sit and chat in the kitchen so that I can eat some food and participate in ladies' discussions. I used to get a scolding and thrown out immediately. Then go back and sit on Katti( stone bench) in front of the house and wait for the guest's arrival. The moment I see some vehicle start parking near my house, I used to run and spread the word, "Bandur, Bandur" ( Came, came). 

We used to keep a bucket of water and mug, new soap (specially bought for this day),  and only that day one can see all our slippers at home arranged neatly (my job). My job was to serve food and take all emptied water glasses, plates etc back to the kitchen.

 After eating snacks, someone says " Hudugi kariri" Call the girl. For us best of luck moment. Someone used to tell the direction to put the chair so that girl sits in that direction, and a guy sits accordingly. There were some aunties/uncles from the guy family and they used to ask questions to my sister.   After a couple of Q&A sessions, my sister used to come back to the kitchen with big relief like coming out from the war.  Sometimes someone demands, to call the girl one more time, this was ridiculous  !!!! 

 That day home looks brand new, with new chairs,  new bedsheets/jamkhanis, all nicely cleaned floors, fresh air and a good smell, and flower petals here and there. 
 A few minutes later when they all leave the house, we family used to sit at a round table conference and eat leftover food, used to discuss the summary of the event. We generally discuss and wait for the guy side's response( male-dominated society you know !!!).
Later in the evening, clean everything and return whatever is brought from neighbours. I used to feel bad while returning the stuff. Being the youngest in the family I have had to do all crappy jobs across my life, my no was heard as no, it's always we will make sure you do. 

 Except for my sister, all of us wished the guy should like us, so we no more borrow chairs from near offices and spoons from neighbours. During the whole event, any younger sister or my sister's friend should not come out, this is for precaution. During my second sister Vadhu pareshake, the guy's father asked, "we know that you have a younger daughter, can we see her too, as we have a few more Vara(Aspirant groom) in our family.

The Day : 

After many years of such experience I have been to such an event recently, no no you are wrong, not for me, for my friend. I was silently witnessing my old memories. In fact, nowadays people afford a lot, and things are much simple now. But the pattern is still the same. Girl family eagerly waits to receive us, host us, and make us feel comfortable. Tries connecting some dots, like where you work, my son/daughter/someone works in the same industry, talks on some common interest, speaks about some common relatives. This is how a typical event begins.

And the same things were happening here as well.  We were offered POHA( I think still POHA dominants  Vadhu pariksha Event). I saw someone who was doing all the jobs that I used to do those days. I just rejoiced those moments. After food, the girl comes and with so much shyness and hesitation, she sits and faces so many people who are hungry to ask questions. She politely and slowly answers all the questions. Even the people who ask the questions hesitate, there were so many times the same words repeat, YOU ask, Ullas you ask, I am done, you ask., you ask you ask. (Nivu kellari , nivu kellari). It is not necessary everyone over there wants a positive outcome, there may be someone looking for some opportunity to break it. 

I could imagine the behind the scene of that poha and tea. This time I was from the guy's side, so got a chance to see what happens this side. Generally, the moment we come out from the girl's house, someone triggers the topic, how was the girl, a discussion starts and everything goes high, if things are positive even some discuss what sweets to prepare on a wedding day, no one really bothers to ask a guy. Generally, we try to find some temple nearby or nice hotels nearby to sit and discuss. Definitely, there will comparisons with previously seen girls, colour, height, weight, education, income, family etc... As I was part of the event, I was asked to give my opinion too, but it's a bit difficult job too.

Because of an increase in love marriages these kinds of events reducing slowly. And with more information, most things are getting done over the phone and visiting a girl's home is just a formality. 

I have a few more friends who want me to join their Vadhu Parikshe. A lot more POHA to eat. As a lifetime decision, a person always wants close ones should be with them to help to make a decision. I  am trying to highlight that, "The more we see less we get", and the more we impress less it does. 

   In the same week, I went to eat two more plates of POHA, I mean went to see two girls and I felt pretty much the same ambience, the same pattern and the same POHA.  

  There is excitement in both families, new relations, new associations, new beginnings, and something new about to happen. It is exciting to have something different in life, something which going to be part of family and life.

Will come back with the Next Poha story !

The age we all hate

Recently I was at my Brother-in-law's cousin's wedding ceremony. I was there to accompany my Brother-in-law, who travelled miles to attend this wedding. Hardly I knew people over there. I had formal conversations with everyone out there. And I was just waiting for lunch to start(An interesting part of any ceremony, at least for me). It was around 10 AM and I had almost 3-4 hours more to spend. I was bored and none of the ritual happenings over there grabbed my attention( I just need attention). I almost spent 1 hour there in conversation with relative uncles(GST, Demonetisation, Modi, Job, Marriage, Bengaluru traffic etc). Then I found that I have no topics left to make our conversations interesting. I was asked by my sister to meet a girl at the wedding, but my curious eyes couldn't find her anywhere around. I had nothing more interesting things to wait for, other than to wait for, to see the girl who probably has no interest in me.

I silently went for a brisk walk in Shri Shiva Bala Yogi Maharaj Trust( Here was the wedding ).  The Ashram was huge and most of its area was covered with greenery, like anyone else I love the greenery around and started walking towards the deeper areas of the Ashram. I don't know whether I am Atheists or Agnostics, but surely I was not willing to go inside the temples over there. While I was walking in the small park, suddenly I came across messages written on small boards throughout the park. Most of them were related to mediation and good work. I started reading each one of them and clicked pics whichever impressed me. 

   I was listening to FM 95.0, and there were some nice Hindi songs on air and enjoying the songs. I went a little deeper into the park and I found two old ladies sitting on the chairs looking at the park with millions of lost dreams in their eyes. They were just sitting silently. I felt their silence had more to express than their words. They were in their seventies. That drew my attention and I started walking towards them. An old lady, close to 80 years old was walking with a walker and in her other hand, she was carrying a small bag (dustbin). I rushed to her and asked her to give me that bag so that I can help her. Initially, she didn't understand what I meant, but later she understood and said: "Mein karlongi beta"( I will do it myself, son). I asked again, and she refused and moved from there.

I was clueless and looked aside, there was a board in Kannada "Hiriyara Mane "(Old-age home). For a moment I was speechless. I read it again, it was written Old-age home. I felt pity seeing that board and I couldn't dare to go and speak with those old ladies. They seemed to be missing something in their life, I was very much eager to give my ears to listen to their stories but I just couldn't dare anymore now.

 Had they ever thought at any point in their life that they would land up at this place and situation? I certainly think not. No parents would wish this for their kids. It takes huge courage to take such a decision of sending parents to an old-age home. All parents may not be lucky enough not to land up here, but some may have no option other than to choose this ill-fated choice.

How sad is this? I really wonder what all these people go through in their daily routine of life, how people criticise them, what people talk about them behind, what all these people miss, their kids, grandkids, relatives, friends, good neighbours and many others. It is not easy to stay here in old age. Everyone has their own problems, and we don’t find any compassionate ears to listen to the stories.  

First of all, old age is a curse to mankind if one is not healthy and not surrounded by dear ones. I don't think anyone would enjoy old age rather they accept it. Then just imagine someone here at old age houses who have not heard from their loved ones for years.  

Unfortunately, I didn't grow up my childhood with my grandpa and grandma. I always miss them. They left the world early. Whenever I see old people I wish I had grandparents who could have told me stories, given their laps to sleep, and could have certainly shared life lessons, who could have protected me from my parents whenever there was a need. This makes me happy to speak with old age people, I try to see my grandparents in them.

I started sensing the good work of the Ashram when I was walking out, but my initial thoughts were different. Initially, I was thinking why do poor people get looted easily like this in the name of GOD? Why someone chooses this route and start cheating innocents? When do our people realize this and act on it? But while coming back, I was thinking of all the good work of the Ashram. The old age was neat and very clean. The people staying over there seemed to be enjoying and content with how they are living. I am sure Ashram would be running some educational institutes and some social activities.

Whenever I argue with any of my intellectual Atheists friends about God's existence, I conclude by saying this, "Let us agree to the disagree !!! Finally, the truth is the concept/belief/real existence of the GOD is to constantly and with compassion to provide good food, shelter, education, health, peace, and much more to the millions of needy and elderly people. 

Let us be grateful that whoever did this (GOD), did it for goodness and humanity(to protect our very much proven life-living practices which are to date applicable to our lives). We should be thankful to the creator of this concept. Let this keep going ". Let us not try to kill this just to prove that we are intellectual. Personally, I have taken great advantage of various religious trusts throughout my life. 
http://meltingmanasu.blogspot.in/2013/01/blog-post.html

I wish to start an old-age home, Kalyana Mantapa (Wedding-Hall) and hostels, where boys/girls hostel and Kalyana Mantapa can be made put up together in the same place. All three services would be free. Boys/Girls should take care of and give company to old-age people and Kalyana Mantapa would supply food and a charity to trust, all boys/girls and old-age home people should be invited to all the functions and should be felicitated on the occasions. Whoever comes here to attend occasions can choose to donate. And most important people should be approached to stay not to be sent by kids.

PS: Most of the images are situational and from the internet. Photo credits to the internet.