Kavita : Hindi - एक सपना छोटा सा जुड़ा था

Vibes of Vadhu Parikshe

Background : 

I have three sisters. When my elder sister got married I was in class 8th. I do remember one or two 'Vadhu Pariksha ' events of my elder sister. I come from a lower-middle-class family. We were living in a small house, we had hardly  5 chairs at home, I am talking about days in 1999-2000.
 Next to my house, there was a small office. Whenever a groom's family visits us to see my sister, we used to borrow chairs from that office. We used to borrow the same-looking Teacups, plates, spoons etc. 
I still remember I was the one standing outside the house and taking quick instructions from the kitchen and rushing on the mission on my imaginary bike, used to run making bike-like sounds and posing my hands as if holding the bike handle, that bike was much much better than the bike  I ride now. 

The mission was to go and get milk, curd, and lemons! basically whatever is missed in the kitchen. I was supposed to execute my tasks secretly, which means, I should hide the things I bring. The guest should not know the scenes behind it. The whole family was on the mission of making the guy and his family happy. Every one of us contributed to making the event successful. The only goal was to treat the guest with respect and care while they were being hosted.

We used to plan this as a big event like a festival, our preparations start from the week, prepare sweets, buy some stuff, prepare groceries item list ( no storeroom concept), absolutely everything has to be bought. My sister used to prepare herself, and start applying makeup, like Multani Matti, turmeric, lemon etc. Rehearsal of wearing sarees, getting matching bangles(Sometimes borrow from her friends), earrings ( gold plated but guaranteed). Meanwhile, ask some people from our community to join us on the day. Back were the days, when the girl had no option of rejecting a guy, that too if she belongs to a middle-class family. We always did well and awaited the response from the guy's family. 

My sister used to tell us to see the guy properly and update her later, as she can't see properly or could not dare enough to see the guy.  Most of the time we prepared POHA and TEA, and the kitchen used to be packed with many ladies. There were no phones back then, and I was sent out to see if any car/vehicle comes near my house, I always wanted to sit and chat in the kitchen so that I can eat some food and participate in ladies' discussions. I used to get a scolding and thrown out immediately. Then go back and sit on Katti( stone bench) in front of the house and wait for the guest's arrival. The moment I see some vehicle start parking near my house, I used to run and spread the word, "Bandur, Bandur" ( Came, came). 

We used to keep a bucket of water and mug, new soap (specially bought for this day),  and only that day one can see all our slippers at home arranged neatly (my job). My job was to serve food and take all emptied water glasses, plates etc back to the kitchen.

 After eating snacks, someone says " Hudugi kariri" Call the girl. For us best of luck moment. Someone used to tell the direction to put the chair so that girl sits in that direction, and a guy sits accordingly. There were some aunties/uncles from the guy family and they used to ask questions to my sister.   After a couple of Q&A sessions, my sister used to come back to the kitchen with big relief like coming out from the war.  Sometimes someone demands, to call the girl one more time, this was ridiculous  !!!! 

 That day home looks brand new, with new chairs,  new bedsheets/jamkhanis, all nicely cleaned floors, fresh air and a good smell, and flower petals here and there. 
 A few minutes later when they all leave the house, we family used to sit at a round table conference and eat leftover food, used to discuss the summary of the event. We generally discuss and wait for the guy side's response( male-dominated society you know !!!).
Later in the evening, clean everything and return whatever is brought from neighbours. I used to feel bad while returning the stuff. Being the youngest in the family I have had to do all crappy jobs across my life, my no was heard as no, it's always we will make sure you do. 

 Except for my sister, all of us wished the guy should like us, so we no more borrow chairs from near offices and spoons from neighbours. During the whole event, any younger sister or my sister's friend should not come out, this is for precaution. During my second sister Vadhu pareshake, the guy's father asked, "we know that you have a younger daughter, can we see her too, as we have a few more Vara(Aspirant groom) in our family.

The Day : 

After many years of such experience I have been to such an event recently, no no you are wrong, not for me, for my friend. I was silently witnessing my old memories. In fact, nowadays people afford a lot, and things are much simple now. But the pattern is still the same. Girl family eagerly waits to receive us, host us, and make us feel comfortable. Tries connecting some dots, like where you work, my son/daughter/someone works in the same industry, talks on some common interest, speaks about some common relatives. This is how a typical event begins.

And the same things were happening here as well.  We were offered POHA( I think still POHA dominants  Vadhu pariksha Event). I saw someone who was doing all the jobs that I used to do those days. I just rejoiced those moments. After food, the girl comes and with so much shyness and hesitation, she sits and faces so many people who are hungry to ask questions. She politely and slowly answers all the questions. Even the people who ask the questions hesitate, there were so many times the same words repeat, YOU ask, Ullas you ask, I am done, you ask., you ask you ask. (Nivu kellari , nivu kellari). It is not necessary everyone over there wants a positive outcome, there may be someone looking for some opportunity to break it. 

I could imagine the behind the scene of that poha and tea. This time I was from the guy's side, so got a chance to see what happens this side. Generally, the moment we come out from the girl's house, someone triggers the topic, how was the girl, a discussion starts and everything goes high, if things are positive even some discuss what sweets to prepare on a wedding day, no one really bothers to ask a guy. Generally, we try to find some temple nearby or nice hotels nearby to sit and discuss. Definitely, there will comparisons with previously seen girls, colour, height, weight, education, income, family etc... As I was part of the event, I was asked to give my opinion too, but it's a bit difficult job too.

Because of an increase in love marriages these kinds of events reducing slowly. And with more information, most things are getting done over the phone and visiting a girl's home is just a formality. 

I have a few more friends who want me to join their Vadhu Parikshe. A lot more POHA to eat. As a lifetime decision, a person always wants close ones should be with them to help to make a decision. I  am trying to highlight that, "The more we see less we get", and the more we impress less it does. 

   In the same week, I went to eat two more plates of POHA, I mean went to see two girls and I felt pretty much the same ambience, the same pattern and the same POHA.  

  There is excitement in both families, new relations, new associations, new beginnings, and something new about to happen. It is exciting to have something different in life, something which going to be part of family and life.

Will come back with the Next Poha story !

The age we all hate

Recently I was at my Brother-in-law's cousin's wedding ceremony. I was there to accompany my Brother-in-law, who travelled miles to attend this wedding. Hardly I knew people over there. I had formal conversations with everyone out there. And I was just waiting for lunch to start(An interesting part of any ceremony, at least for me). It was around 10 AM and I had almost 3-4 hours more to spend. I was bored and none of the ritual happenings over there grabbed my attention( I just need attention). I almost spent 1 hour there in conversation with relative uncles(GST, Demonetisation, Modi, Job, Marriage, Bengaluru traffic etc). Then I found that I have no topics left to make our conversations interesting. I was asked by my sister to meet a girl at the wedding, but my curious eyes couldn't find her anywhere around. I had nothing more interesting things to wait for, other than to wait for, to see the girl who probably has no interest in me.

I silently went for a brisk walk in Shri Shiva Bala Yogi Maharaj Trust( Here was the wedding ).  The Ashram was huge and most of its area was covered with greenery, like anyone else I love the greenery around and started walking towards the deeper areas of the Ashram. I don't know whether I am Atheists or Agnostics, but surely I was not willing to go inside the temples over there. While I was walking in the small park, suddenly I came across messages written on small boards throughout the park. Most of them were related to mediation and good work. I started reading each one of them and clicked pics whichever impressed me. 

   I was listening to FM 95.0, and there were some nice Hindi songs on air and enjoying the songs. I went a little deeper into the park and I found two old ladies sitting on the chairs looking at the park with millions of lost dreams in their eyes. They were just sitting silently. I felt their silence had more to express than their words. They were in their seventies. That drew my attention and I started walking towards them. An old lady, close to 80 years old was walking with a walker and in her other hand, she was carrying a small bag (dustbin). I rushed to her and asked her to give me that bag so that I can help her. Initially, she didn't understand what I meant, but later she understood and said: "Mein karlongi beta"( I will do it myself, son). I asked again, and she refused and moved from there.

I was clueless and looked aside, there was a board in Kannada "Hiriyara Mane "(Old-age home). For a moment I was speechless. I read it again, it was written Old-age home. I felt pity seeing that board and I couldn't dare to go and speak with those old ladies. They seemed to be missing something in their life, I was very much eager to give my ears to listen to their stories but I just couldn't dare anymore now.

 Had they ever thought at any point in their life that they would land up at this place and situation? I certainly think not. No parents would wish this for their kids. It takes huge courage to take such a decision of sending parents to an old-age home. All parents may not be lucky enough not to land up here, but some may have no option other than to choose this ill-fated choice.

How sad is this? I really wonder what all these people go through in their daily routine of life, how people criticise them, what people talk about them behind, what all these people miss, their kids, grandkids, relatives, friends, good neighbours and many others. It is not easy to stay here in old age. Everyone has their own problems, and we don’t find any compassionate ears to listen to the stories.  

First of all, old age is a curse to mankind if one is not healthy and not surrounded by dear ones. I don't think anyone would enjoy old age rather they accept it. Then just imagine someone here at old age houses who have not heard from their loved ones for years.  

Unfortunately, I didn't grow up my childhood with my grandpa and grandma. I always miss them. They left the world early. Whenever I see old people I wish I had grandparents who could have told me stories, given their laps to sleep, and could have certainly shared life lessons, who could have protected me from my parents whenever there was a need. This makes me happy to speak with old age people, I try to see my grandparents in them.

I started sensing the good work of the Ashram when I was walking out, but my initial thoughts were different. Initially, I was thinking why do poor people get looted easily like this in the name of GOD? Why someone chooses this route and start cheating innocents? When do our people realize this and act on it? But while coming back, I was thinking of all the good work of the Ashram. The old age was neat and very clean. The people staying over there seemed to be enjoying and content with how they are living. I am sure Ashram would be running some educational institutes and some social activities.

Whenever I argue with any of my intellectual Atheists friends about God's existence, I conclude by saying this, "Let us agree to the disagree !!! Finally, the truth is the concept/belief/real existence of the GOD is to constantly and with compassion to provide good food, shelter, education, health, peace, and much more to the millions of needy and elderly people. 

Let us be grateful that whoever did this (GOD), did it for goodness and humanity(to protect our very much proven life-living practices which are to date applicable to our lives). We should be thankful to the creator of this concept. Let this keep going ". Let us not try to kill this just to prove that we are intellectual. Personally, I have taken great advantage of various religious trusts throughout my life. 
http://meltingmanasu.blogspot.in/2013/01/blog-post.html

I wish to start an old-age home, Kalyana Mantapa (Wedding-Hall) and hostels, where boys/girls hostel and Kalyana Mantapa can be made put up together in the same place. All three services would be free. Boys/Girls should take care of and give company to old-age people and Kalyana Mantapa would supply food and a charity to trust, all boys/girls and old-age home people should be invited to all the functions and should be felicitated on the occasions. Whoever comes here to attend occasions can choose to donate. And most important people should be approached to stay not to be sent by kids.

PS: Most of the images are situational and from the internet. Photo credits to the internet.

All alone I am now ...a poem

 I had written this poem a few months back when I have been asked to write by observing the pic, I  don't have that picture with me. Anyway, it's just a poem.

It takes a whole life to convert aloneness into loneliness, there is a difference between being alone and lonely.   Some make use of aloneness and convert it into positivity and enjoy life and some take a u-turn and make the wrong impact of it.

Loneliness is a strangely beautiful, amazing wonderful feeling we rarely people can enjoy and dare to face. Aloneness always tries to end up with conversion or hanging out with one who is comfortable with us -our loved one.

I have tried to imagine myself in a strange faraway place looking forward to lost love and regret in the voice

We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness. – Albert Schweitzer

 Somehow life manages to save us from all this disturbing stuff. The true fact of life is "In the end we are alone ". In my perspective aloneness is being with you and getting some time to spend with you, it's just like by you, for you, to you.

Please bear with my horrible writing skills So here it comes
My friend put my words into the image, and I am very thankful for the beautiful picture.

Reminiscences from a dark room

Recently I  participated in a story writing contest in one of Facebook's group BM. There were many teams of two members. The basic thumb rule was to write by sharing each para with the team , I had a very good partner who has good writing capabilities and learned so many things from the wonderful person. and finally here is our story ..go on...

           Reminiscences from a dark room

Rajani is tossing and turning in her bed. Varun has slept a long back and she is deprived of sleep as always! she thinks of walking on the terrace for a while. It is around 10.40 pm. It’s a cloudy, calm, pleasant dark night, blowing wind playing with her beautiful long shiny black hair! While Bengaluru is getting ready to sleep after a strenuous day. Rajani is lost in that beautiful dark night, She is constantly watching the full moon without blinking her eyes as if she is complaining something to the moon. The helpless moon is sometimes hiding behind the clouds to escape from the sight of Rajani's big black beautiful eyes. The sudden continuous honk of the bike brings her back to earth. She turns to see what’s going on. A guy is honking over street dogs. In return, dogs have started barking on him, bow bow bow bow.

This small incident takes her 15 years in flashback .....her college days! She hadn't spoken with Bow bow from last two weeks, she was feeling very uncomfortable, lonely, lost. She had always one eye over the telephone from the past two weeks, but that idiot phone! It hadn't rung for her these days. But that night after dinner, to her utter happiness, there came that sweet music... “trin trin ,trin trin”! Unknowingly she is smiling now. Those were the days! That innocent puppy love chat! Those incessant conversations! How time used to fly! She couldn't imagine her life without him ever since. Her Bowbow! She recalls the incident which gave them these nicknames. That stupid quarrel over some trivial silly issue! Both were so worked up, trying to prove their points...! And afterward they were laughing how they fought like cats and dogs. Since then these nicknames stuck to them for good! She checks her mobile phone...a habit formed over the years. Yearning mind hoping to find some missed call or just one message. Her mind again travels back to that phone call some 15 years ago!
 She: “Hello”.
He: “Meow meow”
she: “ Idiot, stupid, where were you in these days? You know, I m going mad here, don't speak to me ..gooooo ....”
He: “Sorry meow meow” ;
She: “Go bow bow!!!!!!!!!!!”
 He: “Sorry baba, I went to Madras for presentation! I missed you too! My bad luck, I didn't find chance to speak with u. We were in a hostel and were not allowed to talk and above that, there was very rainy in Madras. Sorry sorry sorry re...sorry sorry meow meow.

” She: “Is it? You didn't tell me you are going ????? It's okay, no problem. But you know I was missing you badly!”

He: “Even I came to know the same day and I ringed to inform you, but you were in college re. I am sorry baba. I too missed you lot re meow. These 15 days were like 15 years u know,!!!!!!”

 She: “ Hmmmmm, don't act too much okay !!!!!!! Leave it! Tell me how was the presentation ?? How is Madras??”

He: “Hmmm. The presentation was superb !!! That college omg so big you know, so nice campus ..and Madras as usual, very nice city! Many students from all over India participated in that event u know. All over too good ..."

Now lying on the bed, Rajani is reliving those sweetest memories of her life! She enjoys doing that all the time! Who doesn't! She glances at Varun! Sleeping like a baby! Her heart goes out to him. Her dear hubby! Life has been loads and loads of happiness with him! Their lives have mingled with each other so much as to become one! Words have lost their importance in their relationship. One look and one knows what the other one is going through! They know each other so well like a palm of one's hand! And hence....the constant memory of Mohit that always accompanies her is a very guarded secret of her! She dare not reveal it to him. Once told, it would be difficult for Varun to unlearn that knowledge! And the memories of Mohit, her first love...that intense passionate pure love...., well, no memory eraser for a human mind available anywhere in the market! Again, she gets lost in that ocean of memories!

It was about 15 years back! It happened when she was pursuing her degree in Pune. Rajani was very pretty and beautiful and there were many guys behind her to prove it. She was born and brought up in a family where customs and traditions shaped her personality. She was her parents' baby doll...their whole world! Her parent's love and affection always made her ignore the boys who followed her. But love doesn't tell before happening! During the Independence Day program, she met her college representative, a senior student...Mohit. A born leader, a popular guy in the college. When they were planning the events of the program, there was a difference of opinion between Rajani and Mohit. Mohit was enraged to get opposed to a junior student, but Rajani was not a type to take it lying down. The lifelong relationship of love and friendship had thus begun with a petty fight! It was followed by innumerable to date, but the first one is always special! That one week of interaction on the pretext of Independence Day program was going to change their whole lives forever! Rajani didn't need much time to notice how famous Mohit was among the female folks. But something had started between them. Rajani realized Mohit's stares on her that accelerated her heart rate. What she was unaware of was the fact that her blushes bowled him over for good! The eyes were doing all the talking and how! The program was a grand success! Their handshake after the program...that memory of the first touch still managed to bring her goosebumps. Life had turned colorful, all of a sudden! Now, more attention was paid to dresses, hairstyles, makeups. Daydreaming took much of the study time! The journey that began from conscious small talks had ended in animated never-ending chats by the next year's Independence day! Days passed .things changed and they became best buddies…soulmates! Both were heads over heels in love. Rajini and Mohit became a point of gossip on the campus. Still, Rajini remembers that day when Mohit said those magical three words...She got a call from Mohit

saying he bought a new bike and wanted her to take her out. The ride was heavenly. They came to a garden and chose one corner away from others. She was chatting but he was silent listening. Suddenly he: "Rajo, I wanna tell u something." She : (Blushing)" Yeah, what is it?" Then silence for some time. At last he: (with all courage) “ I I I love you re my sweetheart, I really love, And I mean it, I love u lotttttttt..Will u replace your surname by mine ???" He offered one rose and chocolate (which was her fav) ."Please accept this."She was feeling like heaven, feeling like she won the whole world, her love came to her.

But life changed after the completion of education. Mohit had two sisters of marriageable age. He was committed to their getting married first. Here Rajani was pressurized by her parents for getting married at the proper time. There was indefinite suspense that was in store for them. Sometimes depression would set on her mind making her hopeless and doubtful about her future. Another year has gone, and Rajani had to give in to the pressure of her parents and agree for an arranged marriage. After twelve years of marriage, she thought, well, if it wasn’t for Mohit’s painful memory and even in spite of it, her marriage was a happy one. Varun was a very easy person to live with. Caring, understanding, playful….And he gave her the best gift in the world…an apple of her eye, Chiraag. Undoubtedly, her life was happy. And yet she couldn’t explain to herself why some fleeting flashes of memory from the past still had the power of moistening her eyes!

 As the earth is round, we get a chance to meet people again. Rajani always dreamed of meeting Mohit again in life. As dreams come true, she was shopping in the market and arguing with the salesman, she couldn't believe her eyes... Mohit was standing just in front of her. Was she dreaming? Well, it was Mohit that old kiddish style ,that friendly smile! In the past 12 years, many things had changed but for her and Mohit...as if nothing had changed....for a second she lost her mind. Mohit in neat dress giving her smile and saying "Hi Rajini ..me...Mohit !"That made her cry! After some time they went to a tea shop. Both never spoke about the past. Mohit had got married to his caste girl And he didn't seem to be happy with her . She belonged to a rich family and she ruled the house. He had a daughter and he stayed in an apartment gifted by his father in law. Rajani's questions were never-ending. All that she had to ask, she had to tell ... a dozen years to be covered. Mohit was a bit baffled to see Rajani getting so overexcited but he couldn't save himself from that infectious attachment that he felt in his heart too. They exchanged phone numbers promising to keep in touch. Life was again brightly colorful for Rajani! The phone was again a very important thing! Every ring again made her miss a heartbeat. Every happening in life, small or big, good or bad had to be shared with Mohit. She didn’t want to think about how people will label their friendship now! Some narrow-minded people may snarl at it calling it an extramarital affair! Let them go to hell for all that she cared. But Varun! Oh, she wanted to confide in him so badly. But she was afraid her face would tell more than she intended to confess! She thought, well, better to bide the time! But as they say, all the things, good or bad, come to end. One day Mohit called. “ I have to speak with you, Rajani.” Oh, if only he could see her brightened face hearing his voice. “Yes Bowbow, I’m all ears….as always!” “ Rajani, my wife Preeti is not comfortable about us, I mean, how can she be, right? She is upset yaar. She wants me to put a full stop to this friendship. U there?” “ Oh yeah..” “ I’m really sorry Rajju. You know how much I wish to keep in touch with you, right? Tell me what should I do.” “ You are right, Mohit! I’m really feeling bad about your wife. Let’s quit.” She was amazed as to how she could keep her tone than normal, heartbroken that she was!

She had learnt to live her life without him so well. He was just a happy memory in her life. Why were they destined to meet again? Why was this pain of separation getting multifold? How could Mohit be so practical? Couldn't he understand how important he was for her! Life with Varun and Chiraag would be perfect only when Mohit was there to share her happiness. But then, there was nothing she could do. She had an understanding husband but for Mohit, it was not easy. Rajani could understand what a hell it could be to suffer from a suspicious and insecure spouse. Mohit was not to be blamed altogether. It’s been 2 years since she last heard Mohit’s voice. Rajani smiles wryly. Oh, this damn insomnia! Night has that amazing power of healing the parts that were broken during the day and breaking the parts that were healed a long time ago..!Human beings are destined to live lives by rules, after all. And what about “You live only once....” That’s just a quote, for god’s sake! Life goes on. Rajani is happy with her dear hubby and her darling son. She is the most important person in their lives But our Rajani, emotional fool that she is, is still susceptible to the memories of the past. She knows somewhere there, Mohit too is missing her. If you catch her wiping her eyes with some pretext, just give her some space!